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Chapter XLVIII
Chapter XLVIII
A Family Affair
Athos had discovered the word: family affair. A family affair was not
subject to the investigation of the cardinal; a family affair concerned
nobody; people might employ themselves in a family before all the world.
Thus Athos had discovered the word: family affair.
Aramis had discovered the idea: the lackeys.
Porthos had discovered the means: the diamond.
D`Artagnan alone had discovered nothing; he, ordinarily the most
inventive of the four; but it must be also said that the name alone of milady
paralyzed him.
Ah! yes, but we were mistaken; he had discovered a purchaser for his
diamond.
The breakfast at M. de Treville`s was as gay and cheerful as possible.
D`Artagnan already wore his uniform; for being nearly of the same size of
Aramis, and Aramis being so liberally paid by the bookseller who purchased
his poem, as to allow him to have bought double of everything, he yielded his
friend a complete equipment.
D`Artagnan would have been at the height of his wishes if he had not
constantly seen milady, like a dark cloud, hovering in the horizon.
After breakfast, it was agreed that they should meet again in the
evening at Athos` lodgings, and would there terminate the affair.
D`Artagnan passed the day in exhibiting his musketeer`s uniform in every
street of the camp.
In the evening, at the appointed hour, the four friends met; there only
remained three things to be decided upon.
What they should write to milady`s brother.
What they should write to the clever person at Tours.
And which should be the lackeys to carry the letters.
Every one offered his own: Athos talked of the discretion of Grimaud,
who never spoke a word but when his master unlocked his mouth. Porthos
boasted of the strength of Mousqueton, who was big enough to thrash four men
of ordinary size. Aramis, confiding in the address of Bazin, made a pompous
eulogium upon his candidate; and D`Artagnan had entire faith in the bravery
of Planchet, and reminded them of the manner in which he had conducted
himself in the ticklish affair of Boulogne.
These four virtues disputed the prize for a length of time, and gave
birth to magnificent speeches, which we do not repeat here, for fear they
should de deemed too long.
"Unfortunately," said Athos, "he whom we send must possess in himself
alone the four qualities united."
"But where is such a lackey to be found?"
"Not to be found!" cried Athos; "I know that; take Grimaud then."
"Take Mousqueton!"
"Take Bazin!"
"Take Planchet; Planchet is brave and shrewd; they are two qualities out
of the four."
"Gentlemen," said Aramis, "the principal question is not to know which
of our four lackeys is the most discreet, the strongest, the cleverest, or
the most brave; the matter is to know which loves money the best."
"What Aramis says is very sensible," replied Athos; "we must speculate
upon the faults of people, and not upon their virtues. Monsieur l`Abbe, you
are a great moralist!"
"Doubtless," said Aramis; "for we not only require to be well served,
in order to succeed, but, moreover, not to fail; for, in case of failure,
heads are in question, not for our lackeys - "
"Speak lower, Aramis," said Athos.
"That`s correct; not for the lackeys," resumed Aramis, "but for the
masters! Are our lackeys sufficiently devoted to us to risk their lives for
us? No."
"Ma foi!" said D`Artagnan, "I would almost answer for Planchet."
"Well, my dear friend, add to his natural devotedness a good sum of
money, and then, instead of answering for him once, answer for him twice."
"Why, good God! you will be deceived just the same," said Athos, who
was an optimist when things were concerned, and a pessimist when men were in
question. "They will promise everything for the sake of the money, and on
the road fear will prevent them from acting. Once taken, they will be
pressed; when pressed, they will confess everything What the devil, we are
not children! To go to England" (Athos lowered his voice), "all France -
covered with the spies and creatures of the cardinal - must be crossed; a
pass for embarkation must be obtained; and the party must be acquainted with
English, to inquire the way to London. Really, I think the thing is very
difficult!"
"Not at all," cried D`Artagnan, who was anxious the matter should be
accomplished; "on the contrary, I think it is very easy. It should be, no
doubt. Parbleu! if we write to Lord de Winter about affairs of vast
importance, of the horrors of the cardinal - "
"Speak lower!" said Athos.
"Of the intrigues and secrets of state," continued D`Artagnan, complying
with the recommendation; "there can be no doubt we shall be all broken on the
wheel; but, for God`s sake, do not forget, as you yourself said, Athos, that
we only write to him concerning a family affair; that we only write to him
to entreat that as soon as milady arrives in London, he will put it out of
her power to injure us. I will write to him then nearly in these terms."
"Let us see," said Athos, assuming a critical look.
"Monsieur, and dear friend - "
"Ah! yes! `dear friend` to an Englishman," interrupted Athos;
"capitally commenced! Bravo, D`Artagnan! Only with that word you would be
quartered, instead of being broken on the wheel."
"Well! perhaps. I will say, then, monsieur, quite short."
"You may even say, milord," replied Athos, who stickled for propriety.
"Milord, do you remember the little goat pasture of the Luxembourg?"
"Good, the Luxembourg! It might be believed to be an allusion to the
queen-mother! That`s ingenious," said Athos.
"Well, then! we will put simply, `Milord, do you remember a certain
little inclosure where your life was spared?`"
"My dear D`Artagnan, you will never make anything but a very bad
secretary. `Where your life was spared!` For shame! that`s unworthy. A man
of spirit is not to be reminded of such services. A benefit reproached is
an offense committed.
"The devil," said D`Artagnan, "you are insupportable! If the letter
must be written under your censure, I renounce the task."
"And you will do right. Handle the musket and the sword, my dear
fellow; you will come off splendidly at those two exercises; but pass the pen
over to M. l`Abbe, that`s his province."
"Ay, ay," said Porthos, "pass the pen over to Aramis, who writes theses
in Latin."
"Well so be it," said D`Artagnan, "draw up this note for us, Aramis;
but, by our holy father the pope! be concise, for I shall prune you in my
turn, I warn you."
"I ask no better," said Aramis, with that ingenuous air of confidence
which every poet has in himself; "but let me be properly acquainted with the
subject; I have heard, by this means and that, that this sister-in-law was
a vile woman; I have obtained a proof of it by listening to her conversation
with the cardinal."
"Lower! sacre bleu!" said Athos.
"But," continued Aramis, "the details escape me."
"And me also," said Porthos.
D`Artagnan and Athos looked at each other for some time in silence. At
length, Athos, after apparently serious reflection, and becoming more pale
than usual, made a sign of assent to D`Artagnan, who by it understood he was
at liberty to speak.
"Well, this is what you have to say," said D`Artagnan; "`Milord, your
sister-in-law is an infamous woman, who has wished to have you killed, that
she might inherit your wealth. But she could not marry your brother, being
already married in France, and having been - `" D`Artagnan stopped, as if
seeking for the word, and looking at Athos.
"Repudiated by her husband."
"Because she had been branded," continued D`Artagnan.
"Bah!" cried Porthos, "impossible! What do you say, she wanted to have
her brother-in-law killed?"
"Yes."
"And she was previously married?" asked Aramis.
"Yes."
"And her husband found out that she had a fleur-de-lis on her shoulder?"
cried Porthos.
"Yes."
These three yeses had been pronounced by Athos, each with a deeper
intonation.
"And who has seen this fleur-de-lis?" said Aramis.
"D`Artagnan and I, or rather, to observe the chronological order, I and
D`Artagnan," replied Athos.
"And does the husband of this frightful creature still live?" said
Aramis.
"He still lives."
"Are you quite sure of it?"
"I am he."
There was a moment of cold silence, during which every one was affected,
according to his nature.
"This time," said Athos, first breaking the silence, "D`Artagnan has
given us an excellent programme, and the letter must be written at once."
"The devil! you are right, Athos," said Aramis, "and it is rather a
difficult matter. M. the Chancellor himself would be puzzled how to write
such a letter, and yet M. the Chancellor draws up a proces-verbal very
agreeably. Never mind! be silent, I will try."
Aramis accordingly took the pen, reflected for a few moments, wrote
eight or ten lines, in a charming, little, female hand, and then, with a
voice soft and slow, as if each word had been scrupulously weighed, he read
the following:
"Milord: The person who writes these few lines had the honor of crossing
swords with you in the little enclosure of the Rule d`Enfer. As you have
several times since declared yourself the friend of that person, he thinks
it his duty to respond to that friendship by sending you important advice.
Twice you have nearly been the victim of a near relation whom you believe to
be your heir, because you are ignorant that before she contracted a marriage
in England, she was already married in France. But the third time, which is
this, you may succumb. Your relation left La Rochelle for England during the
night. Watch her arrival, for she has great and terrible projects. If you
require to know positively what she is capable of, read her past history upon
her left shoulder."
h "Well, now that will do wonderfully well," said Athos; "really, my dear
Aramis, you have the pen of a secretary of state. Lord de Winter will now
be upon his guard, if the letter should reach him; and even if it should fall
into the hands of the cardinal, we shall not be compromised. But as the
lackey who goes may make us believe he has been to London and may stop at
Chatelherault, let us give him only half the sum promised him with the
letter, with an agreement that he shall have the other half in exchange for
the reply. Have you the diamond?" continued Athos.
"I have what is still better: I have the value of it," said D`Artagnan,
throwing the bag upon the table. At the sound of the gold, Aramis raised his
eyes, and Porthos started; as to Athos, he remained impassible.
"How much is there in that little bag?"
"Seven thousand livres, in louis of twelve francs."
"Seven thousand livres!" cried Porthos; "that poor little diamond was
worth seven thousand livres?"
"It appears so," said Athos, "since here they are; I don`t suppose that
our friend D`Artagnan has added any of his own to the amount."
"But, gentlemen, in all this," said D`Artagnan, "we do not think of the
queen. Let us take some heed of the welfare of her dear Buckingham. That
is the least we owe her."
"That`s true," said Athos, "but that falls to Aramis."
"Well," replied the latter, blushing, "what must I say?"
"Oh! that`s simple enough," replied Athos; "write a second letter for
that clever personage that lives at Tours."
Aramis resumed his pen, reflected a little, and wrote the following
lines, which he immediately submitted to the approbation of his friends:
"My dear cousin."
"Ah! ah!" said Athos, "this clever person is your relation then?"
"Cousin-german."
"Go on, to your cousin, then!"
Aramis continued:
"My Dear Cousin: His Eminence the cardinal, whom God preserve for the
happiness of France and the confusion of the enemies of the kingdom, is on
the point of putting an end to the heretic rebellion of La Rochelle; it is
probable that the succor of the English fleet will never even arrive in sight
of the place; I will even venture to say that I am certain M. de Buckingham
will be prevented from setting out by some great event. His Eminence is the
most illustrious politician of times past, of times present, and probably of
times to come. He would extinguish the sun, if the sun incommoded him. Give
these happy tidings to your sister, my dear cousin. I have dreamed that that
cursed Englishman was dead. I cannot recollect whether it was by steel or
by poison; only of this I am sure, I have dreamed he was dead, and you know
my dreams never deceive me. Be assured, then, of seeing me soon return."
"Capital," cried Athos; "you are the king of poets, my dear Aramis; you
speak like the Apocalypse, and you are as true as the Gospel. There is
nothing now to do but to put the address to this letter."
"That`s soon done," said Aramis.
He folded the letter fancifully, and took up his pen and wrote:
"To Mademoiselle Michon, seamstress, Tours."
The three friends looked at each other and laughed; they were caught.
"Now," said Aramis, "you will please to understand, gentlemen, that
Bazin alone can carry this letter to Tours; my cousin knows nobody but Bazin,
and places confidence in nobody but him; any other person would fail.
Besides, Bazin is ambitious and learned; Bazin has read history, gentlemen,
he knows that Sixtus Quintus became pope after having kept pigs; well! as
he means to enter the church at the same time as myself, he does not despair
of becoming pope in his turn, or at least a cardinal; you can understand that
a man who has such views, will never allow himself to be taken, or if taken,
will undergo martyrdom rather than speak."
"Very well," said D`Artagnan, "I consent to Bazin, with all my heart,
but grant me Planchet; milady had him one day turned out of doors, with
sundry blows of a good stick, to accelerate his motions; now Planchet has an
excellent memory, and I will be bound that sooner than relinquish any
possible means of vengeance, he will allow himself to be beaten to death.
If your affairs of Tours are your affairs, Aramis, those of London are mine.
I request, then, that Planchet may be chosen, more particularly as he has
already been to London with me, and knows how to speak very correctly:
London, sir, if you please, and my master, Lord D`Artagnan. With that, you
may be satisfied, he can make his way, both going and returning."
"In that case," said Athos, "Planchet must receive seven hundred livres
for going, and seven hundred livres for coming back; and Bazin, three hundred
livres for going, and three hundred livres for returning; that will reduce
the sum to five thousand livres; we will each take a thousand livres to be
employed as seems good to each, and we will leave a fund of a thousand
livres, under the guardianship of Monsieur l`Abbe here, for extraordinary
occasions or common wants. Will that do?"
"My dear Athos," said Aramis, "you speak like Nestor, who was, as every
one knows, the wisest among the Greeks."
"Well, then," said Athos, "it is agreed; Planchet and Bazin shall go;
everything considered, I am not sorry to retain Grimaud; he is accustomed to
my ways, and I am particular; yesterday`s affair must have shaken him a
little, his voyage would overset him quite."
Planchet was sent for, and instructions were given him; the matter had
been named to him by D`Artagnan, who had, in the first place, pointed out the
money to him, then the glory, and then the danger.
"I will carry the letter in the lining of my coat," said Planchet; "and
if I am taken I will swallow it."
"Well, but then you will not be able to fulfill your commission," said
D`Artagnan.
"You will give me a copy of it this evening, which I shall know by heart
before the morning."
D`Artagnan looked at his friends, as if to say, "Well, what did I
promise you?"
"Now," continued he, addressing Planchet, "you have eight days to get
an interview with Lord de Winter, you have eight days to return in, in all
sixteen days; if, on the sixteenth day after your departure, at eight o`clock
in the evening, you are not here, no money, even if it be but five minutes
past eight - "
"Then, monsieur," said Planchet, "you must buy me a watch."
"Take this," said Athos, with his usual careless generosity, giving him
his own, "and be a good lad. Remember, if you talk, if you babble, if you
get drunk, you risk your master`s head, who has so much confidence in your
fidelity, and who answers for you. But remember, also, that if, by your
fault, any evil happens to M. D`Artagnan, I will find you, wherever you may
be, and that for the purpose of ripping up your belly."
"Oh, monsieur!" said Planchet, humiliated by the suspicion, and,
moreover, terrified at the calm air of the musketeer.
"And I," said Porthos, rolling his large eyes, "remember, I will skin
you alive."
"Ah! monsieur!"
"And I," said Aramis, with his soft, melodious voice, "remember that I
will roast you at a slow fire like a savage."
"Ah! monsieur!"
And Planchet began to weep; we will not venture to say whether it was
from terror, created by the threats, or from tenderness, at seeing four
friends so closely united.
D`Artagnan took his hand.
"See, Planchet," said he, "these gentlemen only say this out of
affection for me; at bottom, they all respect you."
"Ah, monsieur," said Planchet; "I will succeed, or I will consent to be
cut in quarters; and if they do cut me in quarters, be assured that not a
morsel of me will speak."
It was determined that Planchet should set out the next day, at eight
o`clock in the morning, in order, as he had said, that he might, during the
night, learn the letter by heart. He gained just twelve hours by this
engagement; he was to be back on the sixteenth day, by eight o`clock in the
evening.
In the morning, as he was mounting on horseback, D`Artagnan, who felt
at the bottom of his heart a partiality for the duke, took Planchet aside.
"Listen," said he to him; "when you have given the letter to Lord de
Winter, and he has read it, you will further say to him, `Watch over His
Grace Lord Buckingham, for they wish to assassinate him.` But this, Planchet,
is so serious and important, that I have not informed my friends that I would
intrust this secret to you; and, for a captain`s commission, I would not
write it."
"Be satisfied, monsieur," said Planchet, "you shall see whether
confidence can be placed in me or not."
And, mounted on an excellent horse, which he was to leave at the end of
twenty leagues, to take the post, Planchet set off at a gallop, his spirits
a little depressed by the triple promise made him by the musketeers; but
otherwise as light-hearted as possible.
Bazin set out the next day for Tours, and was allowed eight days to
perform his commission in.
The four friends, during the period of these two absences, had, as may
well be supposed, the eye on the watch, the nose to the wind, and the ear on
the listen. Their days were passed in endeavoring to catch all that was
said, in observing the proceedings of the cardinal, and in looking out for
all the couriers that arrived. More than once an involuntary trembling
seized them when called upon for any unexpected service. They had, besides,
to look constantly to their own proper safety; milady was a phantom which,
when it had once appeared to people, did not allow them to sleep very
quietly.
On the morning of the eighth day, Bazin, fresh as ever, and smiling
according to custom, entered the cabaret of Parpaillot as the four friends
were sitting down to breakfast, saying, as had been agreed upon:
"Monsieur Aramis, here is the answer from your cousin."
The four friends exchanged a joyful glance, half of the work was done;
it is true, however, that it was the shortest and the most easy part.
Aramis, blushing in spite of himself, too the letter, which was in a
large, coarse hand, and not particular for its orthography.
"Good God!" cried he, laughing, "I quite despair of my poor Michon; she
will never write like M. de Voiture."
"What do you mean by poor Michon?" said the Swiss, who was chatting with
the four friends when the letter arrived.
"Oh, pardieu! less than nothing," said Aramis: "a little charming
seamstress, whom I love dearly, and from whose hand I requested a few lines
as a sort of keepsake."
"The devil!" said the Swiss, "if the lady is as great as her writing is
large, you are a lucky fellow, comrade!"
Aramis read the letter, and passed it to Athos.
"See what she writes to me, Athos," said he.
Athos cast a glance over the epistle, and to disperse all the suspicions
that might have been created, read aloud:
"My Cousin: My sister and I are skillful in interpreting dreams, and
even entertain great fear of them; but of yours it may be said, I hope, every
dream is an illusion. Adieu! Take care of yourself; and act so that we may,
from time to time, hear you spoken of. Aglae Michon."
"And what dream does she mean?" asked the dragoon, who had approached
during the reading.
"Yes; what`s the dream?" said the Swiss.
"Well, pardieu!" said Aramis, "it was only this - I had a dream, and I
related it to her."
"Yes, yes," said the Swiss; "it`s simple enough to relate a dream when
you have one; but I never dream."
"You are very fortunate," said Athos, rising; "I wish I could say as
much!"
"Never!" replied the Swiss, enchanted that a man like Athos could envy
him anything. "Never! never!"
D`Artagnan, seeing Athos rise, did so likewise, took his arm, and went
out.
Porthos and Aramis remained behind to encounter the quolibets of the
dragoon and the Swiss.
As to Bazin, he went and laid down on a truss of straw; and as he had
more imagination than the Swiss, he dreamed that Aramis, having become pope,
adorned his head with a cardinal`s hat.
But, as we have said, Bazin had not, by his fortunate return, removed
more than a part of the uneasiness which weighed upon the four friends. The
days of expectation are long, and D`Artagnan, in particular, would have
wagered that the days were forty-hour hours long. He forgot the necessary
slowness of the navigation, he exaggerated to himself the power of milady.
He gave to this woman, who appeared to him equal to a demon, auxiliaries as
supernatural as herself; at the least noise, he imagined that he was about
to be arrested, and that Planchet was being brought back to be confronted
with himself and his friends. Still further; his confidences in the worthy
Picard, at one time so great, diminished day by day. This anxiety became so
great that it even extended to Aramis and Porthos. Athos alone remained
impassible, as if no danger hovered over him, and as if he respired his usual
atmosphere.
On the sixteenth day, in particular, these signs were so visible in
D`Artagnan and his two friends, that they could not remain quiet in one
place, and they wandered about, like ghosts, on the road by which Planchet
was expected.
"Really," said Athos, "you are not men, but children, to let a woman
terrify you so. And what does it amount to, after all? To be imprisoned.
Well, but we should be taken out of prison; Madame Bonacieux got out. To be
decapitated? Why, every day in the trenches, we go cheerfully to expose
ourselves to worse than that, for a bullet may break a leg, and I am
convinced a surgeon would give us more pain in cutting off a thigh than an
executioner would in cutting off a head. Wait quietly, then; in two hours,
in four, in six hours at least, Planchet will be here; he promised to be
here, and I have very great faith in Planchet`s promises. I think him a very
good lad."
"But if he does not come?" said D`Artagnan.
"Well, if he does not come, it will be because he has been delayed,
that`s all. He may have fallen from his horse, he may have slipped down on
the deck, he may have traveled so fast against the wind as to have produced
a violent cold. Eh! gentlemen, let us reckon upon accidents. Life is a
chaplet of little miseries, which the philosopher unstrings with a smile.
Be philosophers, as I am, gentlemen; sit down to the table, and let us drink;
nothing makes the future look so bright as surveying it through a glass of
chambertin."
"That`s all very well," replied D`Artagnan, "but I am tired of fearing,
when I open a fresh bottle, that the wine may come from her ladyship`s
cellar."
"You are very diffident," said Athos; "such a beautiful woman!"
"A woman of mark!" said Porthos, with his loud laugh.
Athos started, passed his hand over his brow to remove the drops of
perspiration that burst forth, and rose in his turn with a nervous movement
he could not express.
The day, however, passed away, and the evening came on slowly, but it
did come; the buyettes were filled with drinkers. Athos, who had pocketed
his share of the diamond, seldom quitted the Parpaillot. He had found in M.
de Busigny, who, by the by, had given them a magnificent dinner, a partner
worthy of his company. They were playing together, as usual, when seven
o`clock struck; the patrols were heard passing to double the posts; at
half-past seven the retreat was sounded.
"We are lost," said D`Artagnan in Athos` ear.
"You mean to say we have lost," said Athos quietly, drawing four
pistoles from his pocket, and throwing them on the table. "Come, gentlemen,"
said he, "they are beating the tattoo - to bed, to bed!"
And Athos went out of the Parpaillot, followed by D`Artagnan. Aramis
came behind, giving his arm to Porthos. Aramis mumbled verses to himself,
and Porthos, from time to time, pulled a hair or two from his mustache, in
sign of despair.
But, all at once, a shadow appeared in the darkness, the outline of
which was familiar to D`Artagnan, and a well-known voice said:
"Monsieur, I have brought your cloak; it is chilly this evening."
"Planchet!" cried D`Artagnan, beside himself with joy.
"Planchet!" repeated Aramis and Porthos.
"Well, yes, Planchet, to be sure," said Athos, "what is there so
astonishing in that? He promised to be back by eight o`clock, and eight is
just now striking. Bravo! Planchet, you are a lad of your word, and if ever
you leave your master, I will promise you a place in my service."
"Oh! no, never," said Planchet, "I will never leave M. D`Artagnan."
At the same time D`Artagnan felt that Planchet had s
ipped a note into
his hand.
D`Artagnan felt a strong inclination to embrace Planchet as he had
embraced him on his departure; but he feared lest this mark of affection
bestowed upon his lackey in the open street might appear extraordinary to
passengers, and he restrained himself.
"I have a note," said he to Athos and his friends.
"That`s well," said Athos, "let us go home and read it."
The note burned in the hand of D`Artagnan; he wished to increase their
speed; but Athos took his arm and passed it under his own, and the young man
was forced to regulate his pace by that of his friend.
At length they reached the tent, lit a lamp, and while Planchet stood
at the entrance, that the four friends might not be surprised, D`Artagnan,
with a trembling hand, broke the seal and opened the so anxiously expected
letter.
It contained half a line in a hand perfectly British, and of a
conciseness as perfectly Spartan.
"Thank you, be easy."
"Which means what?"
"Thank you, be easy," said D`Artagnan.
Athos took the letter from the hands of D`Artagnan, drew near to the
lamp, set fire to it, and did not leave hold of it till it was reduced to
ashes.
Then, calling Planchet:
"Now, my lad," said he, "you may claim your seven hundred livres, but
you did not run much risk with such a note as that."
"I am not to blame for having tried every means to compress it," said
Planchet.
"Well!" cried D`Artagnan, "tell us all about it."
"Lord, monsieur, that`s a long job!"
"You are right, Planchet," said Athos; "besides, the tattoo has been
sounded, and we should be observed if we kept a light burning longer than the
others."
"So be it," said D`Artagnan. "Go to bed, Planchet, and sleep soundly."
"Ma foi, monsieur! that will be the first time I have done so these
sixteen days!"
"Or I either!" said D`Artagnan.
"Or I either!" said Porthos.
"Or I either!" said Aramis.
"Well! if I must tell you the truth - or I either!" said Athos.
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